Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
