She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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