A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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