White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
