i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
