Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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