someone threw a dead crab at me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
