I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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