I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
