I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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