i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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