We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
