I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
