The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
