found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
