don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
