Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
