god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
