He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
