return my video game
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
