His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
