i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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