Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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