i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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