I think my vagina is haunted
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
