Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
pray to the hookup gods
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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