You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
