went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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