how can u be prego again
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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