He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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