peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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