just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
