cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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