I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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