i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
