I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
