And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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