we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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