just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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