I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
