Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
