hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
