question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
false alarm. still invincible.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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