I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
