apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
