my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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