I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
