She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
