I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
