i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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