So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
