so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
