you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
