i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My life is pants optional.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
